Purpose, Produce and Paunch

Well I have overeaten and then some today.

I had some snacks this morning and a little bit from yesterday’s lunch. I ordered lunch today and I had some snacks when I came home today.

I think we are going to have a bigger dinner then what I want to be having and I am overstuffed and am I not hungry.

At this moment I know that I shouldn’t be eating anything more as I do not need anything more and I am definitely not hungry to eat anything more. I wasn’t even hungry when I came home and knew that I shouldn’t be eating but I ended up eating any ways.

Why do I feel like I need to be eating? Why do I not listen to my body? Why do I eat when I know that I am not hungry? Why do I feel the need to order food? Why do I spend so much time debating on food? Why do I feel like I need to be eating when I am not hungry? Why do I not pack my lunch? Why do I think I need to have two meals a day? Why do I feel like I need to snack? Why can’t I answer any of these questions? Why am I so obsessed with food? Why can’t I just be ok with not eating? Why do I have a problem with food? Why can’t I act on the food behaviours that I want to be acting on? Why do I not listen to my body and listen and act on to what I want it to be doing? Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I have a normal relationship with food? Why can’t I act on what I want to be doing with food?

I really can’t answer any of these questions. Maybe because I don’t know why of any of these things? Why do I have to do any of this? Maybe it is because I am trained to be a fat person and I am doing what I think I should be doing that I just don’t change. Maybe I just can’t remember why I am not wanting to eat and that I feel like I can’t have it so I want it. Maybe I just don’t want to tell myself no.

Maybe I should think about the why. Why I want to have to produce the purpose about my paunch before I can do anything else.